Moms Suck

Dear Rodger,

My mother took my TV out of my room. She is such a skank. I hate her. Just because I flunked a couple classes. I don’t even get why she’s so pissed...

Moms Suck

Dear Moms Suck,

I hath too a televsion array within my quarters. Hereupon I do daily espy the stout and hardy strumpet Martha Stewart. She maketh foodstuffs that do greatly befit my tastes and bedecks all about with fanciful embellishments. She prepareth such the bedclothes upon a bed that it do beg to be frolicked upon. Oft I do engage in solitary and manly pursuits whilst I do look upon her, merry to such the degree that I do oft make myself quite sore. I should be great enraged shouldst someone see fit to deprive me of fair Martha.

The matter then is whether thou canst overtake thy mother in a match of strength. Mine own mother hast more than seven feet in height and legs betwixt which she could most easily when provoked crush a man or boy. If thy mother be much the same, then take thy chastening as it comes and protest not. If she be but slight and dainty, shower blows upon her until she doth relent.