Slander

Dear Rodger,

What’s up with the way you talk? Seriously, dude, it’s like listening to friggin Shakespeare or something. I know you were stuck in a bog for a few hundred years and all, but you’re in America now. For Chrissake, speak English!

Dan


Dear Dan,

A profane portion of those who doth send correspondence unto me, perhaps four of every five, seek, like you, neither counsel nor enlightenment. Nay, they do wish but only to mock my personage with most crankish and unkind utterings. 'Tis a most cowardly thing.

Look ye at a sampling of the slanders I must endure:


Hey Rodger,

Go fuck yourself. No--wait, wait, wait. Okay, now go fuck yourself.

--Ed in Chicago



Rodger,

I looked up homosexual in the dictionary and found that same stupid picture of you that you have on your site. I was like, "Huh? What is this d-bag doing in my dictionary?" Then I realized I picked up the faggot dictionary by mistake. How did I get the faggot dictionary in the first place? Your dad left it here. Why was your dad at my house? He came over to hump my gay retarded brother.

--Yvette


Rodger,

Pirates are fucking gay! Stick your wooden leg up your ass and walk the plank, you fucking plonker.

--XXX



Mr. Goodwyn,

I blame you for 9/11. You are not a citizen. Go back to England.

--Bill O'Reilly



Though I be much aggreived by these aspersions, I am still generous of nature. Thus allow me to offer a bit of enlightenment to those who doth seek to humble and abuse me: Though thou makest the jibes, the butt of them be on ye. I understand not what this slander means, and I shall not undertake to catch its drift. I shall treat it as wind from a whore's ass and merely set it afire for mine own amusement.